There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
