I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
