Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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