We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
