How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
