I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
