I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
