I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
