Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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