we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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