at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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