If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
