My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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