ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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