took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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