Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
