google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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