Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
