those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
