you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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