I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
