I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
