Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
