i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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