Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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