Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize