I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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