You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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