dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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