Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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