Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
