Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ok first of all what the fuck
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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