You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
