Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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