I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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