You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
