How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
