We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
