just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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