we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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