Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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