I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
