I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize