I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
