Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
