if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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