you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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