I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
