And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
