she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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