She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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