The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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