I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
