Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
