well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize