we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
