Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
