I think scott just propositioned me for sex
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
