3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
