It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
