my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
