Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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