Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
