Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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