How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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