it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
