K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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