Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's Friday. Sex?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
