Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
