Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
