I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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