After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
