I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
