Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
